I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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