I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
