I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
