After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
