He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
