It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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