Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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