you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
