I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Randomize
