i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
