Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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