im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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