Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
