My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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