I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
