I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
