That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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