i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
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