Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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