Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
