Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
