I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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