Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
