dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
