At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
