Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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