evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize