I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
