i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Sober January is a disaster.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
