I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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