Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
