i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
