billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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