Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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