she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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