I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
sarcasm needs its own font
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
