I think i sorta joined a cult last night
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
