In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
