I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Randomize
