you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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