Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
