Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize