I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize