batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
