why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
