I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
