i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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