I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
