Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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