Nicole vs. Life
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
