Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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