just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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