Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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