yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Randomize
