Betty ford says i'm here all night
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
