Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
