Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
