bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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