I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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