I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
