omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
