theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
