UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
