I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I skipped work to stalk him.
honey bunches of taint.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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