so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
