imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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