I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
My nipple is on Facebook.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
