have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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