smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
