Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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