someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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